The Odd Alchemist's Vaction
by J.S.Silverfur
Summary: What happens when a near state disqualification mixes with Redwall and Edward in a pink dress? Nothing short of complete chaos!


She sat outside the large building, on one side, a suite of armor, on the other, a rather runty fifteen year old.

The Flame Alchemist, Roy Mustang, appeared in the doorway.

"Silver!" he barked in smart military fashion, "Come here!"

Edward Elric patted his "sister" on the back, and Alphonse gave the little girl a hug.

"Good luck." He said.

Just before Roy and Silver entered the building, two black-haired elves dropped from the ceiling, yet more "siblings" of the condemned Silver.

"Remember," said the first, a girl named Thelva.

"Stick to the plan!" finished her twin brother Hermes.

Silver nodded, and Roy cast her a confused look.

"Plan?" he asked.

"Don't worry, Nuncle Roy," chirped Silver in a cheerful manner, "I'm related to too many clever people to have my state license revoked!"

They entered the dark interior of the building, and Roy veered off to the side to take his seat, leaving Silver to make her way to the single beam of light by herself.

She sat down, her sharp eyes sighting faces past her isolated little pinnacle of brightness.

"Silvera S. Elricstar!" King Furhur Bradly appeared in a second pinnacle of light, "You were seen attempting to bring someone back from the dead using human transmutation, and act that could and will have your state license revoked! Have you anything to say on the matter?"

Silver smirked in the insolent way she had learned from her siblings.

"I can't have my state license revoked." She said plainly, "I haven't done anything wrong."

"What do you mean 'Haven't done anything wrong!?'" cried Bradly, "Human transmutation is illegal! It's alchemy's number one taboo! You nearly broke it!"

Silver's smirk grew into a wide grin.

"Almost, not did," she said, "And… it wasn't human transmutation."

Silence.

"What!?!?!?!?!" Roy stood up, "I've been sitting here worrying this whole time, and you're _innocent!?"_

Had he been back in his original manga, Roy would have had a rather large vein pulse, but he settled for trying to blow Silver up with alchemy.

A hare, unseen because of his patchy fur, stuck up just before Roy turned his fury upon his "niece," and hit him with a frying pan.

He gave a thumbs up to Silver, and dragged an unconscious Roy away, ignoring a muffled cry of "Can I eat him?"

"Thanks, Basil!" said Silver.

Bradly rubbed his temples in an annoyed and rather world weary fashion.

"Please," he said tiredly, "Explain yourself, then."

Silver took a breath, and began…

Two Weeks Earlier…

"Hey, Ed?" a tiny voice awoke Edward Elric from his nap.

"Huh? Er… what?" he looked down from the top bunk of his bed at his adopted sister, Silvera.

"What's the composition of the average Labrador retriever's body?" asked Silver.

Still half asleep, Edward muttered the ingredients.

"Thanks, Ed!" said Silver, and then she was gone.

"What was that?" muttered Edward, then he fell back asleep.

Next, Silver skipped over to her mother, who was deep in a book.

"Hey, Mom?" she asked.

"Hmmm?" said her mom, not really listening.

"Can I have ten dollars?"

Silver's mother handed her the money, and Silver skipped over to her friend Flamorse the dragon, who was basking in the sunlight.

"Hey Flamorse, can you give me a ride to the market?" she asked.

Flamorse sleepily complied, and sat outside town while Silver ran into town, and then flew her back when she was done.

For a couple of days, Silver disappeared, then, one day, Lt. Yoki poked his head into her lab, and to his delight, what should he see but the annoying brat doing what appeared to be a human transmutation! He was no state alchemist, but he knew she was performing forbidden alchemy.

First, he went to tell Bradly, then told Edward and Alphonse, for, even though he hated them to, he loved the anger and disappointment in their faces and voices as they went to reprimand their sister.

"But it wasn't human transmutation!" cried Silver, "I was trying to make a Polly homunculus!"

Silence.

"What?" Edward cried.

"It's true!" Duel voices cried as the troublesome elf twins, Thelva and Hermes, dropped from the rafters.

"Who's Polly?" asked Alphonse.

"A dog," Said Silver.

"Technically," began Hermes.

"It's not Human Transmutation." Finished Thelva.

Yoki, fearing discovery, ran.

Edward rubbed his temples, and Alphonse passed out, something no one knew a suite of armor was capable of doing.

"I wanted to make the world's first animal homunculus!" cried Silver, "For my evaluation! I'd be famous!"

It was just then that the military burst through the door.

"Silvera Elricstar!" cried one, "The Silver Alchemist?" Silver nodded.

"You're under arrest for trying to perform a human transmutation!"

Silver shrugged and skipped through the ranks of confused soldiers.

She looked around in surprise.

"All of you, just for me?" she asked, "Am I _that _scary?"

She continued skipping.

"Wait!" cried Edward, "She didn't really-"

No one was listening, so he figured he ,ay as well shut up.

Two Weeks Later…

"And there ya go!" said Silver, I was trying to make a Polly Homunculus!"

Silence.

"So… it was a false accusation?" asked Bradly.

"Yup!" said Silver, "Just one big misunderstanding!"

More silence.

"Hold up!" cried Wraith, "I came here to bust out my sister 'cause I heard she was going to jail, but… she's not going anywhere, is she?"

"It wasn't _human _transmutation," said Thelva, who, again, dropped from the ceiling with Hermes.

"There are no rules against _animal _transmutation!" finished her twin.

"In fact…"

"There's a whole _business _around animal transmutation!"

"The Chimera!"

"So…"

"She's obviously…"

"One hundred percently…"

"Innocent!" they finished in unison, but by then everyone was so annoyed by their constant sentence finishing that they didn't much care.

Bradly shrugged.

"They make a point," he said, "She _is _innocent."

Outside, there were cheers, and someone shouted "Now can I eat him?"

And then suddenly they were in a restaurant, and things began to get out of hand!


End file.
